April Fools Day

April Fools Day is over.

Thank God.

I always feel like I'm walking around with eyes in the back, top and both sides of my head. I hate physical pranks. I hate checking to see whether salt or sugar was tipped into my water bottle or my mug of tea. I hate finding my lunch being half-eaten or outright replaced with a fake piece of dog shit. I hate having my keyboard or mouse super-glued to the desk.

I've given my the exact same order to my staff the last three times April Fools Day has fallen on a work day. No physical pranks. Or they're fired.

I even more glad that April Fools Day didn't fall on a day when I was out playing rugby, like last year.

I was completely paranoid.

Fortunately, there was only one prank played, and I wasn't the target.

During the post-game showering, we found out that Ryan had somehow replaced Pete's shampoo with mayonnaise. As it turns out, Pete is a guy that squirts shampoo directly onto his head while showering.

Okay, I have to admit that I laughed.

But I was laughing at the ridiculous string of expletives coming from Pete's mouth, as well as the detail descriptions of what he was planning to do to Ryan, Ryan's dog, Ryan's family members, and every other single thing that Ryan held dear.

I was not laughing at the thought of having to wash copious amounts of raw egg and oil emulsion of my hair.

I hate having that type of crap done to me and I would never perpetrate such crimes on somebody else.

I'm much more of a deceit and mental-anguish type of guy.

I'll spend tens of minutes spinning ridiculous tales to see how long someone will buy whatever stupid shit I can come up with. I'll come into the office and tell somebody that I noticed a broken window on their car out in the parking lot. I'll tell people that their favourite sports star has just come down with a freak injury during a practice session. Then I'll revel in it while I watch them run out of the building, or to the Internet.

I like yanking people's chains. And I'm fine with having it done to me.

But don't you dare touch my stuff.