Grocery Self-Checkouts, And Why We Need to License People to Use Them...

I hate it when the technologically-challenged try to use the self-checkout stations at the grocery store.

You know, the ones that can't seem to get the station to recognise a bar-code without at least seven swipes. Or the ones that can't follow simple instructions and put their items in the frickin' bags, or leave everything on the weigh stations until their entire order is finished. The ones that try swiping their credit or debit cards before hitting the gigantic, red 'Pay Now' button, then stand there for two or three minutes, scratching their heads, wondering why the hell the machine isn't doing anything.

The inconsiderate produce purchasers drive me nuts too. These are the ones that have ten different bags of fresh fruit and/or vegetables, can't remember any of the codes, so they spend a minute or two trying to find the right menu button in order to ring them up. For each frickin' bag.

These are the type of morons that had me waiting for ten minutes just so I could ring up four dollars worth of broccoli crowns. (Code 3082, by the way.)

When grocery stores first started putting in these automated self-checkout machines, I was under no delusion that they were put in for the benefit of the customer. I'm sure the corporations made the decision to invest in the new technology on the idea that it would save money on long-term labour, then marketed the machines to the shopping public as a way to avoid long checkout lines.

That being said, I like using them. I use them 99.5% of the time. I like being in total control of my checkout process. I handle the machine well and it checks me out just as fast as a manned checkout lane. And I don't have to worry about that checkout person analysing my shopping items. (You can see them thinking it: "Oooh, look who's making Mexican / Chinese / Italian / Indian tonight." Or "Boy, that's a lot of potatoes!" Or "I wonder what he's going to do with all that lube, baby oil, peroxide, bandages and Vick's Vaporub." Etc., etc., etc.)

But I'm finding increasingly that I'm stuck in line behind the technologically-challenged, or the inconsiderate. Or, when I'm really unlucky, I'm stuck behind that person that promotes aggravational efficiency by wrapping the technologically-challenged and inconsiderate into one, singular entity. Hey, at least when that happens, I only have to hate the one person, instead of two. But it doesn't get me through the checkout and up to my apartment any faster.

I think they need to start licensing people to use the automated self-checkout machines.

In fact, the grocery corporations could turn it into a new revenue stream. They could charge people for the privilege of being able to use the self-checkout. With the licensing process weeding out the idiots from the line, it would really, practically speaking, be people paying for the privilege of faster checkouts, as long as they show enough proficiency with the machines.

But it's never going to happen. Because the licensing fee would likely drive more people away from the automated checkouts and back into the regular lines. Which means they'd have to keep on the labour. Which would defeat the entire initial purpose of having the self-checkout stations in the first place.

Bah.